Monday, December 31, 2012

An Update on My Anti-Depressants

Hey everyone! So, I'm nearly finished writing my post on SuperFoods, but I wanted to update you all on how the anti-depressants have been going for me lately before I post again to the physical health portion of this blog.

When I first started the medication about three weeks ago, I felt very different. It felt like I couldn't react the way I usually did - I could feel the emotions starting (anger, frustration, anxiety, sadness), but I would be able to push them out of my mind so easily. I felt so strong and capable of anything, but I was also worried that my own personality would disappear as I continued on the meds and that I would lose who I really am, naturally, without the chemicals.

As my body got more used to the medication, however, that started to even itself out. At the moment, I am quite enjoying the meds and the mood they've created because I can still get sad when I want to get sad, I can still get angry, I can still get anxious, but I'm able to let it go much more easily. Things will still make me cry, but that's okay because I'm DEPRESSED, so isn't that the way it should be? I'm just not wallowing in my sadness anymore, and that's the key. I don't let it take me over. I don't let it claim entire days of my existence. Even if I wanted to, I could never sit on the couch crying and watching movies all day anymore.

Part of that is because of the feelings that stimulants bring out in people. Yes, my medication is a mild stimulant, but it does not work the same way as most other amphetamines. Meaning, you can't get "high" from it, so there's no real threat of abuse or addiction (not any more than there is with all anti-depressants, I suppose.) But, like other stimulants, it gives you energy, a more positive outlook, and a feeling of wanting to be productive. For me, the last one is a big deal, as I'm usually pretty lazy. But now on my days off, I actually clean the house. I actually do the dishes. I actually get around to all the things I mean to get around to, but never used to actually do. That part of it is lovely, I must say. Also, the majority of the time, when I'm not feeling sad or lonely, I feel positive and energetic. As anyone else who struggles with depression can tell you, these are very welcome feelings. Generally, when you're depressed, you feel lethargic and full of despair - you feel as though nothing will be right again. So being focused on the idea that things are only going to get better from here is exciting and exhilirating.

On the physical side, this medication makes you very dry. You need to drink lots of water because it, like all stimulants, can cause dehydration. It is also very dangerous to drink alcohol while on bupropian, so I haven't been nearly at all. The reason behind this that bupropian lowers your threshold for seizures (not nearly enough to be worried about), and drinking does so even more. So, when you drink, you're making yourself even more likely to have a seizure. To be honest, though, that's not even my real reason for quitting. Sometimes when I wake up after a day of not drinking enough water, I feel hungover, so I can only imagine what I would feel like if I actually drank! I just don't want to go there, except if there's a special occasion. I have also found that this medication makes you slightly dizzy at times, but it hasn't been anything that I've find overwhelming. My doctor had warned me about having trouble sleeping, but I have been sleeping just fine, albeit with very vivid dreams that I'm not at all used to, but enjoy very much. So, on the physical side this medication has been treating me fairly well, and I have very few complaints.

Also, I have quit smoking for nearly two weeks now! It's true what they say - these meds do indeed rid you of the desire to smoke cigarettes. I hardly think about smoking. Even when I am around people who are smoking cigarettes, I have only the weakest, faintest desire to smoke that I can push away so easily it's almost as if it's not there. So I've been very happy about this, and I feel fantastic without the nicotine in my system.

So, there you have it! The meds seem to be working out just fine for me at this point. I focused a lot on the major effects of this medication in this post. Next post I will focus more on all the different emotional reactions I would like to learn to control, and how the medication effects them each individually.

Happy New Year everyone and thanks for reading!

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